coming up for air...and grapes

I am so woefully behind in my reading. Okay, so I was behind from the first second of this semester, or so I feel, yet this is not a consoling thought. I keep having to remind myself that three-and-a-half months from now, this constriction in every part of my body might let up a wee smidge.

I have been frantically reading for several hours now. Well, reading and being a mamma and a wife and an everything else. After I gave Pic her bath, brushed her teeth, helped her on with her pajamas and put her to bed, she called me in to read her a story. I, being the frantic, frazzled freak that I am, went in and told her, 'Okay, but this is the last time I'm coming in here tonight, unless there's an emergency, like you're bleeding or your legs falls off.' (Yeah, I know, thanks for the nightmare-fodder, mamma.) So, I read her The Berenstain Bears Tell the Truth and then I left her to wind down so I could retreat to my cave and fall back into Renaissance Self-Fashioning. But then, she didn't ask me to come back in once, just as I'd asked of her. This would be nice -- hey, thanks for following my crabby directives, kid -- but she didn't call me in to sing "ABCs" and "Twinkle, Twinkle." This is our nightly ritual and has been for years (holy crap-on-a-stick, I can use the term 'years' in talking about rituals I perform with my daughter). But, tonight, she just went to sleep, cuddled in her covers, her light on and a book open under it. It's not like we've never missed our ritual before (there were those four non-consecutive nights when I've been out of town without her), but I'm still sad. There have been other times when Cardo's sung to her, but she didn't call for him tonight either. There have been other nights when she's fallen asleep and not asked me to sing to her, but tonight just feels different, worse (this is probably how I feel on all of those occasions and I've just forgotten this).

I don't want her to feel alone and I don't want her to feel like she's a distant second to my school work. However, tonight, I was more focused on my school stuff. In the grand scheme, my family is first and, honestly, it's probably really Pic first and then Cardo. However, in the everyday workings of things, there are things that I feel I have to get accomplished and Pic has to entertain herself. I don't think this would bother me as much if I were at a job outside of my home and she was being taken care of by someone else (Cardo, her teachers, whoever), but being at home with her and pretty much ignoring her makes me feel like Craptastic Mamma. I don't know where I picked up this heavy, heavy guilt, but I'd like to offload a good portion of it, please. I think that, in general, Pic is happy. I think that I take pretty good care of her. I think that this semester won't last forever (but, really, maybe it will, because there will always, always be another one in my grand life-plan).

Ah, well, I don't even have cry here any longer because As You Like It awaits my scholarly gaze.

song of the moment

"Heigh-ho the Ariel,
the farmer and the cow."

I'm sure you'll never guess the artist.

from the mouth of the babe

Earlier this afternoon, Pic informed me, "Abuelita is my grandma and Papi's mamma....She gives lots of kisses."

True and true, little one.

Things will be somewhat quieter around here these next few months. I'm so freaking inundated with reading for school, I'm struggling to not feel like I'm sinking under. Maybe Pic will teach herself to read and do some of my reading for me, as Cardo has already declined to do any of my reading.

happiness and dinner

Today, the weather was most unwinter-like. It was so warm and sunny, I knew Pic and I had to get out or I'd regret it. Also, she hasn't been napping during the day and this makes me crazy because I need her to have some rest. Anyhow, today was pretty awesome as far as just being with my kid.

This morning, we headed over for storytime and our Ms Judy fix. We came home so Pic could clean her room and I could wash the dishes and then we headed back out. We bought lunch at a local sandwich place (as in, it's nearby -- it's part of a chain, but it's not Subway or Port of Subs), walked to the post office to mail some bills (ugh) and then trekked over to a park we often glimpse on our way back from the library. I started to get a little panicked because I chose to take one of the many walking trails/paths instead of just following the streets and I thought I might be going in the wrong direction (totally possible when we're dealing with me), but we eventually found the park. We sat at a shaded table to eat and we had to don our jackets again, but only briefly. We played for a while, Pic skinned both of her knees three times and scraped her forehead at one point, chatted with some other parents and their kid and then headed home again.

I love this about being a parent and having the flexible schedule I have. Sure, I don't get paid much and sure, I'm still a student and I'm still paying tuition so our financial situation isn't ideal, but I get to spend tons of time with Pic. This isn't always peachy-keen, jellybean, of course, but today was nice. I wanted today to last, except I actually wasn't thinking that at the moment. I was being in the moment. The zen-mamma in me, who I didn't even know was there, took over for a good six hours.

By the time we got home, I was exhausted but Pic seemed pretty animated. I made her go to her room for 'resting time' as I always do. She played for a bit while I browsed back issues of Time. I stopped hearing chatter and singing come from her room and this is what I found:



Ah, beautiful love.

Cardo woke her up a bit later and we headed over to Costco (we seem to spend a good deal of family time at Costco). Then, we came home and made dinner. Pic had an over-easy egg, yogurt, an apple and the rest of her smoothie from Costco (I hate these, they taste chalky to me, but she seems to really enjoy them). Cardo had to make Pic's egg because, as she informed him, 'Mamma makes it wrong.' I tried to make her one the other day, but it was wildly overcooked -- not burnt, just overcooked. I don't eat eggs that are not baked into something, and I have no real idea how to make them unless you want them scrambled with a bit of milk and cheese (I don't eat these either, I just know how to make this particular dish). Anyhow, because the egg I made her was overcooked, she couldn't get to the 'cheese.' My child thinks that the yolk is cheese. It doesn't matter if the egg is hard-boiled or over-easy, as long as she can see a discernible yolk, she is convinced it's cheese. At the moment, we just think it's too funny to correct. And, anyhow, she actually eats it and we don't want to mess with that. (I honestly don't even know how to define egg yolk to her without freaking her out anyway.)

Cardo and I ate sandwiches. Mine was deli ham, cheddar, spinach and avocado on a cheddar kaiser roll. Mmm.



So, now I'm off to finish The Tempest and begin (again and again and again) The Alchemist. Only a few more months and I'll sleep for a week.

happy groundhog day!

I love this movie. Really, really love it.

mmm...strawberries

So, I bought super inexpensive fruit on sale today -- green grapes and strawberries. Pic and I were enjoying some strawberries, but I couldn't figure out what she was doing with her leafy tops. Finally, I watched her eat one of her strawberries. She gnaws as close as she can to the greens, then surveys her work and then pops the rest in her mouth, chews and swallows.

Hmm, she seems fine so I guess it's perfectly okay to eat strawberry greens.

things that make you go "hmm"... plus cake tales

We have two Friday the Thirteenths upcoming. Just thought I'd point out the obvious. More importantly, however, is an upcoming birthday...that of my child (okay, that 'more importantly' part is hugely relative).

I think I've decided to make cupcakes for said child's birthday, so please ply me with your cake...suggestions. Last year, I made red velvet cake with raspberry-flavored pink frosting. The year before, I made (boxed) chocolate cake and formed it into a three-tiered layer-o-hearts with light pink frosting, darker pink trim and mini chocolate chips, regular chocolate chips and white 'chocolate' chips pressed into the sides as polka dots. For her first birthday, I made (boxed) chocolate cake with (canned) vanilla frosting. On top of that, I proceeded to add whatever sprinkles we had in the apartment. (None of these cakes have been particularly gorgeous, or not-completely messy, but they were made with lots and lots of love.)

So, what do you all think I should make for the child this year? (She's partial to pink, in case you haven't already guessed.)