pause for reflection

Not much to report on today. I didn't make the kale thing. A friend offered to have Pic spend the night, so Cardo and I went out to dinner and then for a late, dark walk. It was nice, but it was strange to go for our nightly walk without Pic.

I've been so restless lately that I feel that at any moment I might spontaneously combust (wouldn't that be disgusting?). I feel like I have to be in some kind of motion, so, for this summer, it's been walking. What I'd really like is to be in a more figurative kind of motion, slowly moving toward some of my Big Life Goals (they deserve capitalization). And, I'm getting there. The thing is that I have to keep reminding myself of this. My Big Life Goals are pretty long-term and I know that it'll be years before we even reach them, but, geez, I can be impatient. Cardo is always calmly reminding me that we just have to be patient and I want to growl in frustration at him when he says this. But, I know he's right. There is no easy way to jump ahead and suddenly, magically, have the things I want. The things we want.

So, I have two...personal growth type goals for myself for right now. One: stop procrastinating so much on everything. Sure, I won't get that last-minute adrenaline rush thing, but I'll also be a lot more calm (and, I hope, confident) along the way. Two: Be patient. Appreciate where I am now and really understand how that will lead to me reaching my goals.

G'night.

dream school

This is Cardo's dream school:

Kettering University (Flint, Michigan)
Best value for: Post-GM auto geeks
Tuition: $27,584 (first year)
This top engineering school offers a four-year professional co-op where students alternate semesters in class and on the job—earning as much as $26 an hour. Plus, you can minor in Fuel Cells and Hybrid Technology.

I found this in Mother Jones.

Now, I can spend my time looking up jobs and houses and schools for Pic and myself near/in Flint, Michigan. This is what I do with my non-sleeping hours of darkness.

and on we eat

Okay, so let me just apologize in advance for the food reviews and for the pictures: I apologize.

Alright, that said.

Tuesday night was cauliflower fritters and more broccoli. The recipe for the former was from Every Day with Rachael Ray. I'm not sure why I thought that I would like these, or why I thought they'd be a good idea. It turns out that I don't like fried food all that much and that I like to prepare it even less. I always become somewhat irked at the oil when it pops at me. (Really. I yell at it. It helps me.) I also don't like my apartment to smell like fried stuff. Cardo says that's how it should smell -- like we cook here -- but I always want the smell to immediately dissipate. Blech. It also turns out that not only does Cardo not really like broccoli, he also doesn't really like cauliflower. Pic, as I thought, wasn't too into it either, but that's just how she eats. I have to say that she did eat some of it, though.



Okay, so let me admit that I thought these would be a decent idea because the recipe is featured in the Take 5! section: the recipes contain five or fewer ingredients (not counting olive oil, salt and pepper). Yes, I'm lazy. No, I won't make these again. I'd much rather have either steamed cauliflower or blender cauliflower.

However, we did eat these on a blanket in the grass at the park. Right next to a row of leafy trees and, beyond them, the river. And, the weather was beautiful.

Last night, Cardo made dinner. He was scheduled to make chicken taquitos, which he did make, even though we had no lettuce or sour cream. Our taquitos looked so sad, so unadorned. They were simple but good enough. The color palette for our meal, though, consisted of corn and cornmeal (why are there so many paint colors named for food?). The carrots barely added a splash of color. Again, I apologize.



Nothing more fried this week please. Thank you.

So, tomorrow, I get to make that kale, potato, tomato thing. Oh, wait, that's Friday, I think. Tomorrow, we're having something like zucchini dip and broccoli, I believe. We probably need to eat our (store-bought) hummus, too. I suppose it'll be a dip-filled evening. Good for picnicking, though. Picnicking to be followed by an hour-long walk into the fading moments of summer.

Oh, and I had leftover baked ziti for breakfast today. It was good.

ww

around the world in eighty days, kind of

I recently watched part of Around the World in 80 Days* with Cardo. Phileas Fogg's is racing around the world, duh, and toward the end, he is repeatedly on the verge of giving up. I don't know about the rest of the movie, because I didn't watch it. I remember how annoyed I was with this character who was so close to his goal but so ready to just give up, again and again.

I was annoyed at this character, but also, um, I've been impersonating him, I suppose. There's a somewhat big goal on my own horizen and not much about trying to reach it this summer has been easy. All too often, I've been ready to just give it up, to call it off. I'm so sick of myself, it makes me sick (ha!). I'm not quite yet ready to give up on said goal, even though I still have this gargantuan nagging doubt, and I'm giving it one last big effort.

Wish me luck. Please.

----------------

P. S. Yes, I'm weirdly superstitious about some things, hence the vague references to a goal and no specific details. Sorry.

----------------

* Herein, I'm only referring to the Jackie Chan flick. I've never seen another version, nor have I ever read Verne's book.

apron strings

Yesterday had a brilliant stretch but ended with some trying bits. Pic and I had a fabulous time walking to the grocery store to pay the power bill (note: I said the walking was good). We walked back home, stopping at both the park and our coffeehouse. I’d thought we wouldn’t spend very long at the park, but I stopped looking at my watch. I watched Pic ‘surf’ down the slide and remembered doing the same myself. We ran barefoot through the thick blades of dark green grass, laughing hysterically. At the coffeehouse, we shared some peach iced tea and tomato soup. She devoured most of a muffin while I ate half of a sandwich and some fantastic salad. I read a set of kids’ books they have there…twice. We built castles with the blocks. We walked home, Pic barefoot still, checked the mail (no great news) and came home. We rested a bit, made dinner, put away clean clothes, ate and read some more.

At one point, while I was washing dishes, Pic came over, her face full of heartbreak, her little lips trembling, tears filling her eyes. I asked her what was wrong and she told me she was sad. ‘When I was in your uterus, I couldn’t see you,’ she told me. I agreed that, no, she couldn’t see me, but I reassured her that she was safe and warm and protected while she was there. I didn’t know how else to respond.

Later, she clung to me, sad, not wanting to leave me for a moment. Getting her to bed tonight was seemingly impossible. I finally went in, in a huge huff, and laid down beside her on the floor. I rubbed her back and head and calmed us both down. She went to sleep after a few minutes of this, after repeatedly coming out of her room and us leading her back in.

I’m not sure what this was about yesterday, but it worries me to see her sad for reasons she can’t always explain. I wouldn’t wish the depression and anxiety I feel on anyone and I really did hope that Pic would be like Cardo emotional- and mental-health wise. Perhaps I’m over-worrying about this (that’s what I do), but I’m worried nonetheless. I don’t remember melancholy setting in until I hit puberty. I could be forgetting.

Here’s to hoping this was just a fluke bit of melancholy.

quiet monday

So, Pic and I made the ziti tonight. Yea! So far, we're one for one on this menu planning thing.



Thanks to both Ms K and Coach J for their ziti input. I kind of did an easy hybrid of the two ideas. All of my meals for the week are meat-free (Cardo's in charge of the chicken taquitos and he's getting cooked chicken for that). I just tend to not cook meat. However, after reading Ms K's recipe, I know that next time I make ziti, I'll add in some ground turkey.

Pic and I did add in some shredded zucchini (per Ms K's suggestion) and shredded carrots to the pasta sauce. We really need to use the vegetables we have on hand. We're not always so good at this.



We did halve Ms K's recipe, and it's a good thing. Pic ate a noodle. Yes, people, a single solitary oh-so-lonely in her digestive tract noodle. She did eventually also eat the tops off of all of her broccoli, too, so there's that. She loves to help me cook, she just doesn't so much love to reap the rewards of it. So much for all of those people out there praising the whole 'get your kids to help you in the kitchen to pique their interests in foods and actually get them to eat' idea. Ah, well. I'll keep at it. Only in the last few years have I started to really like foods I never really liked before (squash of various sorts, watermelon, asparagus, avocado, ecc), so I have hope for her.

Anyhow, I'll definitely be making ziti again. I'll also definitely be eating ziti for various other meals in the very near future.

In unrelated nonnews, we kind of went to see the balloons this weekend. We didn't start going to the Reno Balloon Races until the year before last. Pic loves it. I enjoy it, also, but mainly because she enjoys it. Also, there's a nostalgia factor. I remember getting up ridiculously early when I was younger, my sister and me stuffing ourselves into puffy jackets, going to see a similar event in Vegas. I also remember once Peecho got a hot pepper seed in her eye. That memory will always be linked to hot air balloons for me.

So, yesterday, we had all these lofty plans to get up at four (in the morning...I know), meet our dearly beloved friends and enjoy the Glow Show and Dawn Patrol. This, however, was not to be. It's been related to me that a certain male person woke me at 5:20 (oops, already) and told me how late it was. I then, reportedly, said 'Oh' and promptly fell back asleep. I do remember waking up at 6:47 and seeing light seep in through our curtains. Crap. We rushed around getting ready and made it out just in time for Mass Ascension (which sounds like some sort of Catholic ritual, but it (probably) isn't). Although we were late and I was afraid Pic would be really disappointed, everything turned out okay. Great, even.




I've been working diligently on really being in the moment when I'm spending time with my family (which is every waking minute of my life, I know...except for the hours between about midnight and four, when I'm the only one awake in the apartment). I'm really good at letting my mind wander and letting all the big, dark, scary thoughts overtake any bit of sanity I have. This summer has been an experiment in shutting out said scary thoughts. The results of this experiment have been varied, as you can tell from reading my babbling here, but I'm making some progress.

Wow. I meant, really, to only post about the pasta, but then I realized that I hadn't posted about our almost miss with the balloon races. Then...chissa? I 'talk' a lot.

---------------------

P.S. I just read La Furie Queene's ziti recipe comment also. Next time, I'll throw in both turkey and ricotta. We might be eating lots and lots o' ziti in the coming months.