this is a test...

Can you spot the insect?



It was hard for me to make sure I was actually getting a picture of him/her/it. (Actually, it's much easier to see here than it is on the screen of my camera.)

We've been talking occasionally about the benefits of blending into one's surroundings. (There are definitely times when I'd like to be much better at this too.)

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We've been away from home an awful lot for the last seven days and I've begun to enter a kind of rehabilitation period, or something. My posts might be somewhat picture heavy for the next several days.

forty winks

During my time in grad school, my sleep habits were atrocious. Stress and lack-of-sleep whirled around me in a vicious cycle that led me to a dangerous depression among other problems. I've been out of grad school for over a year now and I've had an especially difficult past five months, for reasons I won't get into here and now.

For the past month or so, I've thought that I've been wallowing in a depression by sleeping an excessive amount. It took me until last week to realize that my body is demanding eight to nine hours of sleep a night. I can't recall having having such a consistent amount of sleep each night. I can't believe my sleep habits were so unhealthy that I didn't recognize a somewhat healthy sleep pattern for a good three weeks.

I say "somewhat healthy" because I still have a difficult time actually falling asleep -- I am having a difficult time "switching off" before sleep. It used to be that I valued my middle-of-the-night time because it was the only time I had to myself, as my family slept. Lately, though, I've been envying them that sleep.

I'll work on this sleep stuff. I'm sure I'll be experiencing another shift at the end of August when school starts up again. Ah, well.

in loving memory...

...or: please plant me a tree.

A while back, I noticed a sticker on the back window of a car: "In loving memory of [the person's name was here]."

I understand the sentiment. I understand that the driver, or whoever placed the sticker on the window, wants to remember her or his loved one and wants to share that memory.

However, I've asked Cardo to plant a tree in my memory. I don't want to be remembered on a car. To me, and I know this isn't an original thought, a tree represents life; a car seems to represent the opposite -- especially a car (like ours) that is fueled by lots and lots of gasoline.

puzzling

[I'm a bit burnt out right now, so I'll keep this short.]




It took Pic and me about three days to complete this 550-piece puzzle. I love it! It was definitely a challenge, but it was a great one. I couldn't pass by the table without putting together a piece or two...or thirty.

When I was younger, we'd buy puzzles from thrift shop and put them together. This was an activity my mom, my sister and I participated in. Pic has always been fond of puzzles. It's nice to be able to share at least some similar interests with her.

pic the sponge

For quite some time now, since before Pic was even talking, I've been conflicted about how much to share with her and how much to shield her from the pretty ugly stuff that can happen in this world. When I'd read aloud, from my own books, I'd silently read anything that seemed too violent. I feel that I don't want to censor anything from her, but I also don't want her to know that people can be so hurtful and hateful. I'd like her to never know the bad stuff, although I know that she'll eventually figure it out (not through first-hand experience, please, not through first-hand experience).

Anyhow, lately Pic has been on a Hercules kick. She has been watching the Disney movie and having me read the corresponding book to her. We were all watching the movie the other day and the subject of Oedipus came up. I'm not sure if he was mentioned in the movie (hmm?) or if I was just talking about him. When Cardo asked me who Oedipus was, I hesitated in answering him. Pic was right there. I wasn't sure that I wanted to tell her that the man in question had murdered his father. However, I didn't want to tell him, "I'll tell you later," so I gave him the basics of the story.

A couple of days later, in the middle of an unrelated conversation, Pic said to me, "Oedipus killed his dad and married his mom...but he didn't mean to." She's got an amazing memory. I constantly marvel at it, as my memory has never been stellar (one of the main reasons I do all of the writing I do).

She didn't dwell on the subject, but she did seem momentarily concerned. Then, she moved on to the next subject.

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I just looked up a synopsis of the story, as it's been so long since I've read the play, and I'm still not sure if old Oed had children with his mother or not.

'these are the sounds of silence'

I was composing a post in which I was attempting to express what is going on inside of me right now (I'm talking emotionally and mentally, not physically...just in case you were wondering), but I was wrapped up in a doozy of an extended metaphor and that post will need a bit of hand-written tweaking.

It's late and it's quiet. I can hear my own breathing, the fan in the next room, the ticking of the many analogue clocks and the clattering of the keyboard. Pic has been asleep for a while now. Cardo, who wasn't feeling well on our evening walk, has been asleep even longer. Snuggles (the no-longer-covert-cat) is here, in the den with me, stretched out on the floor, front paws crossed, asleep.

I, however, am awake. Six hours ago, I thought I was going to fall asleep where I was standing, but now, in the quiet, my mind is switching over to super-frantic-let's-think-about-everything-we-possibly-can mode. Where am I heading in life? Where is our family heading? What have I been doing with my life? Who am I, even, and what I am doing with my life right now? Yes, it's fun here in my head.

So, I'll stop and say we've been on a streak of a pretty good couple of weeks. There are many areas that could use improvement, as I see it. All of these areas involve me. However, we have been finding a new family rhythm and piecing together a new family path to follow (again, not being literal). Although I still worry much too much, I'm beginning to feel we're settling into a calm. It might not last, but I'm trying to embrace it while it's here.

It's nice to float on the calm surface every once in a while, especially as I don't float well and am too often pulled to the potentially-suffocating depths (both literal and figurative here).

I hope all is well with everyone else. I hope summer is treating everyone well. And, I hope to head off to sleep now. G'night.

some bakehouse love

The other day, as we were finishing up our lunch, a news-cameraman came into 5th St. Bakehouse. Here's the result of that filming:


[From KTVN, one of our local news stations. We're not in this video, which is obvious if you know us. Cardo and I are a bit camera shy (although Pic is definitely not) and we left before the cameraman really got down to work.]

The people there, especially Dan and Rosa, have been so awesome each time we've gone in. We're hoping they prosper.

I've still only had the sandwiches and ice cream there, but one day, I'll not be too stuffed to have an empanada or a scone or something.