tales of an e r nothing

So, yesterday, we had a little family fun. A little family together time. Actually, it started out as a little Cardo and v time, but that didn't last long.

Recently, Cardo was sick. The last few times he's been sick, he's felt pain in his chest. The first time, the pain subsided when he was no longer sick, but this time that didn't happen. He was calling the cardiologist for a check-up and mentioned the pain.

"You're not going to like this, Cardo," the woman at the cardiologist's office told him, "but we want you to go to urgent care or the emergency room."

He came home from work and I took him to urgent care, where he had an EKG. Then, the doctor there told us to go to the emergency room. Either I could drive him there, or she was going to call an ambulance. I drove him. We got him checked in at four in the afternoon. I left after an hour to pick up Pic from school. As I was leaving I started crying and Cardo had to comfort me, which is crap because we were in the ER for him, not me. I walked out to the parking garage and sat in my car and sobbed somewhat hysterically while lobbing expletives at the universe at large. After a few deep breaths, I went to get Pic.

When I picked her up and told her we were going back to the hospital because Papi's heart was sick again, she asked about his room. She remembered the hospital room and the little closet that they use as a shower (where he got one shower the last time he was hospitalized for five days...Pic and I helped him and got somewhat soaked in the process). She seemed to think it was kind of cool that he was going to be in the hospital again.

To make a long story short (TOO LATE!), the three of us hung out in the ER for eight hours total. I didn't want to leave without Cardo -- I didn't want them to admit him to the cardiac wing again. Finally, at eleven-thirty, after Cardo had gotten an ER room, we asked the nurse how much longer it'd be for the blood test results. He said, "Honestly, you're going to be here for a while. At least two more hours." Pic and I gathered our things (Cardo and I had both brought our backpacks knowing that we'd be at the hospital for a while), kissed Papi and left. This is when Pic realized, "Wait, hey, maybe I don't want Papi to have to stay here." I didn't want him to stay either, but I pretended optimism that he'd be out soon and that we'd come back and get him (he wanted to take a cab, but I wanted to get him).

Pic and I went home and put on our pajamas. I poured some cereal for Pic (Trader Joe's Oat and Bran Swirls that a friend once implied looked like little piles of dog crap). Cardo called. It had been maybe thirty minutes so I started to freak out that they wanted to keep him, but he said he was being released. We sped back to get him and we all came back again. Apparently this pain was unrelated to the Broken Heart Syndrome he experienced/suffered from (?) in October. Not that we have any freaking idea why he had this chest pain, but there you have it.

This morning, I slept until eleven. Cardo got up with Pic, but he fell back asleep in the living room. I'm just glad we're all home together and that he's okay.

Highlight of the night? At one point, I said, "I have a lot of reading to do when we get home." Pic responded, "I have a lot of playing to do."

I've never been a fan of the ER (and I've spent a decent amount of time in them...mainly thanks to Auntie Peecho) and last night did not help. I just want to get in and out, but it never works that way. I get so frustrated because I feel like the people working in the ER have no sense of urgency, like they have all day (or all shift at least) so they'll get to you when they get to you. And, obviously, this is true, to some degree. They can't take care of everyone at once. I know that they are doing their best. No one was rude to us last night. The triage nurse showed genuine concern every time I talked to him. And, I'm sure that, overall, it's better that the ER employees aren't frantic, because then the people coming in would probably just panic more.

I also hate being there because I just want everyone to be better. At the same time that I want out, I want everyone else to be taken care of first (but not really...it's hard to explain). Ugh.

Memorable moments:
* Pic, Cardo and I shared a plate of hospital cafeteria food. This has to be some of the most unhealthy food ever. I think it's some subversive way to get more patients. (I'm just kidding.)

* Pic watched some wildly inappropriate tv. (Yes, keep in mind I'm pretty strict about what she watched. Her television viewing choices are limited to PBS. She also watched Disney animated films and some god-awful videos we have, like Blue's Clues, Dora and My Little Ponies. Not much more than that, though). She watched an episode of The Family Guy (I just cannot like this show...at all) in which someone kept yelling, "Go to hell! Go to hell!" and "Bastard! Bastard! Bastard!" She hasn't repeated it, though...yet.

* Pic tripped over some cord in Cardo's ER room and the nurse came rushing in to ensure that Cardo was still alive.

Ah, fun times. Now I must go continue to read stuff that I didn't understand eight years ago and that I still don't understand now. I'fac, I'm pretty sure that I don't want to understand it. Ugh.

anyone? anyone?

Okay, there are a few of things I'm looking for and I'm wondering where to find. Can anyone help? Where, online or here in the Biggest Little City (or around here) can I find

-- shampoo bars?

-- loose leaf tea?

-- a good place to take Cardo for his upcoming birthday (because, I'm not taking him back to the same place from last year, which was good, but is now questionable).

Thanks much, in advance.

affirmations

I am a lone reed. I am Jack's medulla oblongata. I am a work in progress.

Okay, so that last one's the one. I am constantly reminding myself what a friend so adamantly told me the other day, 'I am a work in progress.' It's so hard to really accept this when so much of the future is so uncertain, though. I want to know things for sure. I want assurances, people, and I want them now (and possibly a goose to lay a golden egg). Everything I do seems, to me, to be so end-all, so important. I let myself get so wrapped up in my own little, tiny dramas and freak myself out.

This semester makes me nervous. There are so many stupid little 'what ifs.' I'm not a fan of these. And, yes, I know that one day, years from now, these nights of sleeplessness will be but vague memories and I'll shake my head wearily at the stress I put myself through (this is what I do for fun: stress) and not understand why. There are brief moments of clarity when I know that things will be resolved in some fashion and it'll all be over and life will go on in some sense (or, at least, this is what I let myself believe at times). But...what if it doesn't? Huh? What then?

Wait! Nevermind, that thought does not compute. Really, I don't want to think about it. The people on my committee have known me for at least two years and I'm pretty sure they want to see me succeed (or, at least see me be able to get the crap out).

So, in order to keep the panic at bay, I've been given some other advice recently:



Also, Coach J's post resonated with me today. That song always gets me.

opposite land

When we were little, Peecho and I would play 'Opposite Land' where we said the opposite of everything we meant. Yeah, it was annoying.

Anyhow, I just found an article that represents a kind of opposite land for me. (It's old...I'm still working through sweetney's archives.)

babycake

So, in case anyone is looking for a baby shower cake (Poke?), here's an idea.




(Not surprisingly, I got this from Cake Wrecks.)

a little night music

This is what is currently stuck in my head. I bought a collection (4 albums) of The Divine Miss M's music as Costco recently.



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P.S. Cheesy fun (I had forgotten just how incredibly cheesy this movie is, nevertheless, I'll continue to watch it).

minutiae

Last night, I was exercising in my living room. I was doing a balance-ball routine that I've only ever done once before and it's been quite some time. I felt some trepidation starting it because I remember it being a difficult (though short) routine. I got through it with no problems though (okay, except I felt like I might have pulled some wonder-muscle all up my left side), and I came into the office to tell Cardo, 'I don't know why I thought that was so hard...it's actually really easy.'

Then, I woke up this morning and oh geez, my thighs and butt are so sore that I can't even squat down. I'm a total wimp.

One more note: Dora makes me want to drop the tv over the balcony. Pic is watching some Dora dvd we picked up somewhere along the way and the show is beyond annoying. The characters tell you where they are going about five times in a row at the beginning. Underground river! Forest! Tiko's party! UNDERGROUND RIVER! FOREST! TIKO'S PARTY! (And on and on, I won't do that to you.) I feel like I should embrace Dora because my child is half-Mexican, but I don't care. The show is just annoying. We'll just keep getting books from the library like Te Amo, Bebe, Little One, and I'll be satisfied with that. I can no longer handle this little obnoxious screamer with her and her friends' insistence that my child find the (very obvious) forest on the screen and scream out that we are next going to THE FOREST!!! If Pic needs to identify more with other Hispanic children, she can go visit her abuelitos in Mexico for a while. Or, novel idea, she can go to school. [Actually, in her class, she is only one of two Hispanic kids, but I'm sure that when she goes to elementary school, there'll be more 'brown' kids like her (and, yes, Cardo and Pic refer to themselves as brown).]