what if...?

The most recent momversation has me thinking, remembering.


Life Choices: What Would You Be Doing if You Weren't a Mom?

I'm not really one for "What if things in the past had been different? What if I had made different choices?" I don't see much point in thinking that way, other than, possibly, enriching my imagination skills. Things are the way they are because of the decisions that I and others have made.

That said, Cardo and I did have plans in case we never became parents. We were both convinced that there was a strong possibility that we might not be able to conceive (a conviction that was proven completely incorrect about fifteen minutes after we decided to test it).

Had we not been able to have kids, we were going to travel. That's it. We'd still work and possibly things would be a bit different than they are now in that arena, but possibly not. All we wanted was to travel together. We were so nonchalant about it, like, "Hey, if we can't have kids, that's okay. No biggie." Of course, I have no idea how that scenario would really have played out had we had difficulties. But, we have Pic now and we still have plans to travel. Admittedly, our grand plans have been scaled back a bit. For now, we travel to places near, as a family of three, instead of as a family of two. One day, we hope to be able to travel wherever and if Pic wants to come along, we're happy to have her. (The note of far-into-the-future-ness is there because we probably won't be able to afford anything so grand for a couple of decades and Pic will be an adult.)

talent show

This I believe is from the 4 April 2009 issue of Time



This makes me seriously contemplate if I have any super-special hidden talents. I don't think I've developed any yet. Ah, well...

things that make you go 'huh?'

From the 7 December 2009 Time, in a feature entitled, "The Year in Health: From A to Z," "If you've got both red hear and a fear of the dentist, you're not alone."

Yep, sounds exactly like me. (Actually, it sounds like pretty much everyone I know, regardless of hair color. Anyhow....) Apparently I have a gene that "shuts down a protein that would otherwise turn hair brown," and this fun, fun gene (the melanocortin* 1 receptor gene) also lowers the pain threshold. Of course, though, there's also research that shows the opposite and the Time writer(s) reports that "hair color and pain sensitivity are linked in some way."

From my own experience, I'm going to have to go with the former findings. I remember having dental work done when I was younger and being able to feel the pain from the drilling. I had already been given Novocain (not for the soul), yet I could still feel the pain. I remember being told either by the dentist or the dental assistant, "You can't feel any pain." I loved the condescending, exasperated voice the person was using too. Fun times.

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* Blogger's spellcheck has the following suggestions for this word: mulching, elongating, blanketing, plankton.

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[Eels -- Novocaine for the soul]
I cannot think of the word "Novocain" without thinking of this song, which I barely know anymore.

the blues

One Minute Writer from December 6th: Channel a blues singer, writing about why you've "got the bluuuuues."

For better or worse, here's what I think of


[Adventures in Babysitting -- Babysitting Blues]

I'm sure most everyone everywhere is thinking, 'Worse,' but, well, it's my automatic association.

Oh, yeah, this too


[Robert Downey Jr. sings national anthem]

Ha! You're welcome! (Yes, go right ahead and harshly judge my taste in movies. I refuse to even worry about it anymore.)

And, I know, I didn't actually reply to the prompt, but I'm going with these. Otherwise this could get downright depressing. I've been there in this space and I'm trying to mainly steer clear of it.

obsession

Pic is completely obsessed.


[You're A Mean One Mr Grinch]

We've been in Dr Seuss mode here for a while. Mostly, we're sticking to the books, but we don't have this book. We've rented the film from Netflix. Horton Hears a Who is also on the disc and we've also been watching a lot of that.

trimming the tree

We’re right now (still) reading The Omnivore’s Dilemma and we’re finally close to the end. Pollan is discussing his hunting adventures and he’s mentioned a couple of times that ‘dressing’ an animal is really more like ‘undressing’ the animal. (He goes through this whole description of dressing the pig he believes he shot and, once again, I’m glad I don’t have to kill our meat.)

So, Thursday, we bought our Yule tree. This is the earliest in the season we’ve ever bought it. We’re compromising. Cardo believes the tree should be up for an entire month leading up to Christmas. I like to buy our tree at the last possible moment (and we usually get a discount on our tree this way). We bought it at the Top Notch tree lot, where we’ve bought every live tree we’ve gotten. (And, here we go with the opposites again, because, of course, our tree hasn’t been alive since they cut it down in Oregon a few days ago. A real tree, then, but then we can argue what is Real and what isn’t. Let’s not.) I like to go there. The people there always treat us well. From the moment we walk up, the guys (I’ve never seen a woman working there) greet us and point out what they have available. Yesterday, the person who first greeted us pointed out the different kinds of trees and their price ranges. As we were looking, another person told us he was glad to see us and told us they could answer any questions we have. Too often, when Cardo and I go places, we’re ‘greeted’ by people who seem to find it an inconvenience that we’ve interrupted their quiet time or something. It’s nice to go somewhere where the people seem genuinely glad to have your business and where they treat you like people, not just consumers.

Pic usually chooses our tree, but this time she was into the pricey trees. (I have no idea what ‘pricey’ means to other people, but anything that’s over eighty dollars, I’m going to go ahead and call ‘pricey.’ That’s where we are right now in our financial situation, at least.) We finally chose one that was only twenty-five dollars. The people working the lot didn’t treat us any differently when we chose an inexpensive tree. They trimmed it for us (as in actual trimming: cutting off the bottom branches and leveling the base) and told us how to care for it once we got it home.

Once home, Cardo set it up in the stand and Pic and I filled the stand with water. Cardo put the lights on and we all dabbled in the trimming: adding the ornaments in this case, of course. Pic did most of this.

While I was hesitant to buy and set up a tree so early, I think it’s nice to have it. First off, the apartment smells amazing. There’s the pine smell – we bought a Douglas fir – but there’s also a lemony smell underneath the stronger scent. The closer you get to the tree, the more you can smell the citrus. (Please don’t tell me that means something horrible about my tree. Let me believe it should have a slight lemony scent.)

For now, there’s nothing under the tree. We bought Pic’s gift last month. Pic and I have yet to buy anything for Cardo. I’ll probably get him something and then Pic and I will get or make him a little something. I’m leaning toward making something…but what? Cardo’s like a kid with presents: his wonder with and delight in them is fun to observe. Pic likes gifts, too. Me? I like to receive them, but I could really go without.

This end-of-the-year holiday season is one of our more difficult ones. I think the last one that was this tight was when I was seven months pregnant and hadn’t been working since the previous March. This is one of the times I’m glad we’ve never set up the tradition of going all-out-crazy in our gift-buying. First of all, I don’t think it’s worth it to buy a ton of gifts. We have plenty already. We have more things than we’ll ever need. Second, I somewhat dislike the focus on consumerism that is so much sharper this time of year. I do like to buy gifts for others, when I can, but rather than inundate people with a ton of stuff, I like to stick with something simple, and, I hope, meaningful (this isn’t always easy). Third, had we that tradition of gifts stuffed in every cranny of the apartment, years like this would seem like real bummers.

So, anyhow, the tree is up. Now what to put under it? Any suggestions for handmade gifts? (Made by Pic's and my hands, that is, because, yes, I could shop on etsy for hours and hours...if only I had the money.)

phil and lil

The day before yesterday, I talked to Indie on the phone. It’s been something like forever since we’ve talked, although, really, it’s only been a few months. However, it’s been a long few months. I don’t like to go that long without getting in touch. Every time that happens, I start to worry that maybe our connection will be lost. I worry that maybe our friendship has petered out and I never, ever want that to happen. I don’t believe that it will, it’s just that I become so insecure at times and I am sure that, truly, the sky is falling…or something.

So, Tuesday, we talked. I finally just called her up. And she answered. And we talked. Yes, duh, this is how this works, but I have a somewhat severe phone aversion, so it usually takes a lot for me to call someone, or answer the phone when someone calls.

And, as if to affirm our rightness as friends, even more so than our whole conversation to that point, was something of a sign, if you believe in that kind of thing. (Do I? I’m still contemplating that one. I really don’t need a sign to tell me that Indie is a great, wonderful person I always want to be friends with.) She was telling me she reads on her breaks at work. The people she usually encounters ask her, ‘What are you reading now?’ She says it’s funny because she’s been reading the same book for a while now – it’s not like she’s zipping through book after book. I asked her what books she was reading.

Sense and Sensibility.

I kid you not. Okay, so you might actually be wondering what I might be kidding about, but I am also very slowly making my way through Sense and Sensibility, as I’ve mentioned. We’re both about half-way through the book. I am purposely reading along with some others right now, although I’m sure Ms Kat and everyone else is either finished or close to it, while I’m muddling along, but I had no idea that Indie was also reading the same book until I asked her on Tuesday.

Meant to be? Definitely. We're friends for so many reasons and that just won't change. I just wish we lived closer and could actually hang out more than once every two or three years. (Yes, I’m sappy. I accept that about myself.)