i am no atlas

If the weight of the world were to rest on my shoulders, well, let's just say the world would be rolling around underfoot somewhere.

I'm gearing up for some big changes this year and I'm feeling like I may never sleep again. Right now is one of those times when I really do think that drinking alcohol might be great. I always imagine alcohol as some sort of elixir that calms the fire of anxiety. If not alcohol, perhaps some other soothing substance would be nice right about now. I usually turn to food, especially Ben and Jerry's S'mores ice cream, but I'm trying not to do that right now. This leads to me not at all sleeping and experiencing this restlessness that is so powerful that I cannot sit still for more than a few minutes at a time. I cannot focus on any one thing for more than a few fleeting moments. This is not working for me.

If it weren't freezing and the middle of the night, I'd walk. Alas.

So, here I am, past midnight, semi-coherently and very vaguely, pouring my anxieties into the openness of the ether. I've been pretty good about not doing this as much lately, but, ah, my many woes and self-doubts are pressing on me and it's getting hard to breathe.

I'd like to turn to others for thoughts and advice, but when I feel this way, I always feel that my problems are petty and unworthy of others' attention. But, really, I'd like someone to tell me, "Hey, it's all going to work out. Take it a little at a time. Commit yourself for a short time and evaluate where you are this time next year." Actually, this is what I've been telling myself, but, oh wow, I don't deal well with change.

I hate being so vague, so I'll clue you in a bit on a few of the upcoming changes we'll be experiencing this year:
-- Pic will be entering elementary school
-- we're planning a move
-- I'm needing and wanting a job

When I sit here and think about these things, I feel nauseated. But when I type out the list and read it, I can't help but notice how pathetically tiny the list is. I know that many people are dealing with much more excruciating problems, but I'm not living in their heads, I'm trapped in my own.

So, now that I've gushed on for a few minutes here, I'll return to my previous task. In the morning, I'll wake up and think about this post and think, as I always do after these kinds of posts, "Geez, I'm such a drama-monger. Things don't look quite so scary here in the daylight, on the other side of four or five hours of sleep." Geez, I need to get to bed.

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I've always wondered about that Atlas image. What is Atlas standing on? What if Atlas did shrug? (And who is John Galt?) I'm trying to meld the mythical explanation with the scientific one and it's not working for me.

ah, lovable...cones?

I just saw this ad on Sociological Images



I know that the print is small, but right at her waist, it says, "'ADD-vantage' turns Small Figures into EYE-CATCHERS!" All I can think in response to that line is that it looks more like ADD-vantage turns breasts into eye-poker-outers.

Oh, oh, also, in the smaller texts, the copy claims, "Slip it on...instantly you look fuller, rounder...you sense admiring glances, and only you know why!" Actually, I think those oglers are thinking something more along the lines of, "Are they really shaped like that?"

I'll never understand the desire to make breasts look quite so conical. Hmm.

i beg of you: food edition

This post is in two parts. Please feel free to help out with either or both. Thanks.

I'm thinking of buying a slow-cooker. Cardo and I have a giftcard we got from my parents for Christmas (thanks Mom and Dad!) and I think I'm going to use part of it on a slow-cooker. I've wanted one for a while, but I also want to know that I'll make more than overnight oatmeal with it. I already have an apple butter recipe from Ms Kat and I can ask Coach J for her vegetable soup recipe. But what else? I need more good recipes, please. What else do you all cook in your slow-cookers?

Also, Coach J told me she has a 2-quart slow-cooker without a timer. I was thinking I wanted a timer, but she says it's no big deal not having one. Also, I've only so far seen the timers on the five- and six-quart slow-cookers and I really don't want anything that big. We just don't have the space. And, we just don't have that many people to feed on a regular basis. So, I'm also looking for size and timer recommendations, please.

Okay, now for the second part. Lately, I've been into the idea of chow mein. I ate chicken chow mein the other night and I kept thinking, "I could probably manage to make this." So, does anyone have a good, simple recipe? (Does that exist?) I'm thinking either chicken or vegetable chow mein. Just know that I might, um, ignore certain ingredients like onions (unless they're green) and peppers. I've browsed online for a few recipes, but I want something someone I know has tried and liked.

Okay, so I await your responses. Thanks much.

hello, dolly!

I'm currently reading Dolly: My Life and Other Unfinished Business. I'm very much enjoying it. I didn't know this book existed until I read about it in an NPR review, and then, about two days later, I found it at Goodwill. That was a while ago, but I'm just now getting to it.

I can hear Parton's voice as I read this book (I'm writing about her actual voice here...but her writing definitely has its own stylistic voice, also). The book was published in 1994 and I'm right now hoping that she'll write again in the coming years.

Reading this makes me want to listen to her music even more. (It also makes me want the money to purchase Dolly, a box set of her music, from my wishlist.) I just read past the part where she ends her professional relationship with Porter Wagoner and sets out on her own. This is when she wrote "Light of a Clear Blue Morning," which I love oh-so-much.


[Dolly Parton "Light of a Clear Blue Morning" (1992)] Why is "STACKED" there on the side? I'm sure there's a reason other than reference to her formidable bosom, right?

In speaking of Wagoner, she also talks about "I Will Always Love You," which she says she wrote about the break-up of their working together, not about a break-up with a lover. I remember singing this song when I was young. For a bit, I only knew it because of Whitney Houston, but then I found out it was a Parton song.

I, along with many, many others, find it funny that so many people choose this song to be played at their weddings. It helps if you listen to the lyrics, no? "Things can't really work out, so I'm going to take off now, but, well, I'll always love you." Not exactly the message one wants to hear at the beginning of a marriage. I especially love that she sings this in The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. It just makes it all that much more fun when it's chosen for a wedding.


[Dolly Parton - I will always love you]

Speaking of that movie, makes me want to do a little sidestep, too, so I'll include that.

[Charles Durning in The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas] He he he.

on comments

I've been meaning to post something on this for quite some time, but, for whatever reason, I just haven't.

I'm never sure where to post comments to others' comments. I don't subscribe to RSS feeds, so I always have to check back on others' blogs to see if someone has responded to my comments. I'm just self-centered enough that I figure that others don't subscribe to RSS feeds, either (even though I have buttons for doing so here and I've seen them elsewhere). Actually, I just never much think about it.

So, sometimes I post my own responses to responses in my own comments and sometimes I got back to your sites and post my comments there. I think I've finally made up my mind that if I'm solely responding to something you've posted in a comment, I'll comment there. I like to think of the comments as a place for further conversation, but it can't really be if no one goes back and reads the comments.

Anyhow, I'll try this for a bit and see how it goes. (This would be so much more of an issue if I had more than a handful of readers. Fortunately, my dearest readers, we don't have such a big problem here.)

How do you all deal with this? (Please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks about this while she's away from the computer.)

'cause she's a wild and wacky child

When it's too cold and dark to walk outside in the evenings, we often walk in the mall. This is definitely not an ideal option, but it works well enough sometimes. For about a month from Thanksgiving until after Christmas, I refuse to go into the mall, though, because I'm anti-mall-Santa (I'll not get into that now, but you might now think I'm some horrible freak...sorry).

So, it'd been a while since we'd visited our local spending palace, but a few days ago, Cardo and I decided to give it a shot. (And, I have to say that at four days after Christmas, they had yet to dismantle the Santa set-up. I didn't see anyone dressed as the jolly old (giant) elf, but, really, the set-up was still there.) For the last several months, there's been a bungee-trampoline-experience set up in one of the many open areas. Basically, there's a giant trampoline and, over that, a structure that suspends many bungee cords. Kids wishing to bounce are strapped into what looks like a climbing harness and connected to a bunch of bungee cords, the number of cords determined by the weight of the child. I'm probably doing a horrible job of explaining this, but I hope you can picture it. After the kid has removed her shoes, she's strapped into the harness, connected to some bungees and begins jumping. The person operating the...ride (?), raises the cords, allowing the child to bounce higher. This is one of Pic's favorite treats ever.

Although the wait was wonderfully long tonight, Pic opted to sit and wait and have a turn to bounce. She was growing very antsy and grumpy near the end of her wait and I was thinking she might melt down and have to miss the ride. She held it together, though, and her demeanor changed the moment she was strapped in and ready to bounce. And, oh my, is my child a ham. That's not a question. She's definitely a little ham, and I love this about her. She was having fun entertaining the crowd of waiting kids and their accompanying guardians. When she struck a very serene-looking tree pose in the middle of a bounce, though, I was lamenting that I stodgily stand by my dinky old phone sans camera. We didn't get a picture of her mid-air yoga pose, but it's an image I probably won't forget anytime soon.

On a related side-note, we love the guy who runs the ride. (I really feel weird calling it a "ride" but I don't know how else to refer to it.) He's great with kids and he's always treated us well. And, if there's no line, as often is the case when we don't happen to hit the mall in the middle of winter break, he lets the kids stay up for much longer than the posted five-minute time limit.

happy freaking new year

I finally hauled myself out of bed this morning to the sounds of my neighbors screaming at each other. Ah, the sounds of love.

Anyhow, we're planning on hanging out around the apartment today. Pic is watching It's Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown because we have been lax in watching and sending back the Netflix movies lately. I can't wait until we get this set of movies sent back, though, because up next should be The Shop Around the Corner, recommended to me by Ms Kat. I watched it way back when she recommended it, but it's been a while. If we owned it, I'd watch it much more often. My last Netflix choice was somewhat unfortunate. Four Christmases. Ugh. Big fat UGH. I'm still not exactly sure why I watched it, but I won't be doing that ever again.

Cardo's working on his car and I'm doing laundry and posting here. I'm really hoping we'll be able to get out for a walk later today, though. Please cooperate weather. The sky is pretty grey right now, so we'll see.

So, minus our neighbors' heated argument earlier, we're having a quiet new year so far...just the way I like things. I hope everyone else is able to take some time off for themselves also.