Sunday, July 11, 2010

'these are the sounds of silence'

I was composing a post in which I was attempting to express what is going on inside of me right now (I'm talking emotionally and mentally, not physically...just in case you were wondering), but I was wrapped up in a doozy of an extended metaphor and that post will need a bit of hand-written tweaking.

It's late and it's quiet. I can hear my own breathing, the fan in the next room, the ticking of the many analogue clocks and the clattering of the keyboard. Pic has been asleep for a while now. Cardo, who wasn't feeling well on our evening walk, has been asleep even longer. Snuggles (the no-longer-covert-cat) is here, in the den with me, stretched out on the floor, front paws crossed, asleep.

I, however, am awake. Six hours ago, I thought I was going to fall asleep where I was standing, but now, in the quiet, my mind is switching over to super-frantic-let's-think-about-everything-we-possibly-can mode. Where am I heading in life? Where is our family heading? What have I been doing with my life? Who am I, even, and what I am doing with my life right now? Yes, it's fun here in my head.

So, I'll stop and say we've been on a streak of a pretty good couple of weeks. There are many areas that could use improvement, as I see it. All of these areas involve me. However, we have been finding a new family rhythm and piecing together a new family path to follow (again, not being literal). Although I still worry much too much, I'm beginning to feel we're settling into a calm. It might not last, but I'm trying to embrace it while it's here.

It's nice to float on the calm surface every once in a while, especially as I don't float well and am too often pulled to the potentially-suffocating depths (both literal and figurative here).

I hope all is well with everyone else. I hope summer is treating everyone well. And, I hope to head off to sleep now. G'night.