on that which (usually) eludes me

I am in an interesting place where sleep is concerned. I've realized that there simply aren't enough hours in a day for me to complete everything I feel I need to complete. I'm at that panicky stage where I nightly (early-morningly) have to tell myself to just let go and accept what I have finished.

On Sunday night, I slept three hours. Definitely not enough. As punishment, I was wracked with a headache of dizzying proportions. I felt nauseated and I couldn't hold a thought for long (not good at all). I went home and slept eleven hours. Not straight through, but close enough. Actually, I had asked Cardo to heat a burrito for me in the oven. He did and dutifully woke me when it was hot. I sat up, kind of, in bed and devoured my dinner and promptly went back to sleep. I might as well have been dreaming.

Then, oh, the dreaming. I dreamt I was on my college campus, coming out of what was the library when someone called my name. I looked over to see someone I had known (and had something of a thing for) in high school. He was asking me to sign up for some club. I did. And, what a fun club. He handed me a pamphlet which I had to do a close reading of. I looked it over and realized it was some kind of Christian tract and I felt I had to go back and explain to him that I would do the close reading but I wasn't Christian so they might not want me. Then, I left and walked across the snowy, icy parking lot.

Then, it was five and I got up to start working again. (This last sentence was real life again, although I kind of wish getting up at five was a dream. Usually I am going to bed so late that it just doesn't seem worth it to go to bed at all if my alarm is just going to go off so ridiculously early.)

It's so weird the way present and past mingle in dreams. And, how dreams like these make me focus so much on my past for several days. And, how they make me wonder if, really, I'm overworking myself.