Thursday, November 12, 2009

talking in circles

There's something about getting into bed at night that suddenly makes me want to have in-depth chats with Cardo. I'm sure he loves this (please note the irony here). When he's ready for bed, he pretty much wants to lay down, wiggle around for entirely too long trying to find a comfortable spot and then quickly fall asleep (oh how I envy those who can fall asleep so quickly). Also, I'm pretty sure the sound of my voice droning on and on puts him to sleep.

Anyhow, last night was just such a night. I wanted to have a deep conversation about our future and about my own goals that have been slowly surfacing over the last five years. I've been so busy that I haven't had much time to really think them, my goals, through, but having this time 'off' has given my plenty of time (often too much, actually) to think about what I value and about what I want out of this go-around.

And, going around seems to be what we're doing. Every time we decide something, there seems to be an 'or,' either expressed or not. We could stay and settle into this rhythm, or we could go somewhere else and start out again. I could find part-time work, or I could go right back to school (if one will have me). We could stay in the apartment, or we could find another place to rent (if only we had a few tens of thousands of dollars as a downpayment on a house...ah, well).

At times, having so many large possibilities looming makes me want to completely shut down. I am easily overwhelmed and I don't really relish change (at least not initially, but I pretty quickly adapt if I give myself a chance). The other day, as we walked, I was thinking how nice it would be if someone, some magical fairy godperson, walked up to me and just told me what would be the best choice right now. Um, yeah, not going to happen, I know. And, anyhow, I don't really take well to being told what to do.

So, I'm still unsure about our next move. For now, I'm just trying to enjoy where we are and remember how happy I am that I am a part of this family and that I have so much time with this family. I'm afraid that, by next August, so much will have changed (Pic should be in kindergarten then) and I don't want to wish this time away or spend all of it worrying.

I would just like to throw one idea out there: if all of my friends would like to come live nearby, or stay nearby, that would be great. If I owned a commune, I'd invite you all to live there with me. Or something. However, I know that we all have different places to go and be right now and in the future, so I'll just keep thanking the wonders of the interweb for making staying in touch possible.



Oh, Children's Music, how I don't really love you all that much. I apologize.

This lived in my car for quite some time. The plastic case is actually crumbling. I regretted buying this almost the moment we did buy it, but, as fortune would have it, we haven't had to listen to it in a verrrry long time. Mainly, we stick with NPR or the Sesame Street Best album I got at Secondhand Prose for $1! I love it. (And, yes, forty-year-old Sesame Street deserves its own post, but it'll have to wait.)


Seriously! I own more holiday cards! Oy with the poodles!

Into the give-away bag they go.


Coach J said...

Yeah, I like having those in-bed-super-deep-although-it's-way-too-late conversations. I don't think men think that way. I think to them, bed=sleep. I've learned my lesson: when his head hits the pillow, the mouth should close. I save philosophy for the breakfast table.

And yes, the partay is of the warming variety. Miss B and Miss S will be there, and maybe Miss A as well. Come on over, bring the hubby and kid. It will be fun.

Anonymous said...

You know, I think I bought those exact Christmas cards one year. Then again, I don't think I've ever sent out Christmas cards, so may I just received one...