for better or worse

During our trip to the grocery store tonight, I realized that my relationship to food is slowly changing…for the better.

Pic told us she wanted the “black” cookies. (She made sure we knew what color she was talking about by pointing out the black-as-ebony hair on the Snow White doll she was holding.) We haven’t had any Oreos or similar cookies in quite a while, but these are what she wanted. Before, I would have just grabbed a package of them and placed them in the cart. Today, I hesitated. I wanted to say no, but I am still working out this relationship with food and I gave in. I didn’t want to say no because they were unhealthy, necessarily. I would have bought some healthier version of them had Winco had such a version (something like Safeway’s O sandwich cookies…the “O” standing for organic, not Oprah), but they didn’t.

About a month back, I did purchase the Safeway “healthier” version of the cookies and I have to say, I still prefer the full fat- and chemical-filled cookies. Actually, I have a bit of an addiction to them. The day Pic was born, I was munching on entirely too many springtime Oreos, while sitting in our dark bedroom, using the computer (probably doing something school-related, as I had class that day). I no longer buy Oreos for myself because I’ll eat the entire package, by myself, in an embarrassingly short amount of time. I try not to buy the cookies, period, because I’ll probably eat them anyway.

When Pic asked tonight, I gave in and bought Oreo Cakesters (an affront to Oreos, as far as I’m concerned…but Pic and Cardo like them). I couldn’t help but look at the ingredients. Of course, that demon “high fructose corn syrup” is lurking in the cake-things. There’re also plenty of chemically-ingredients that are in no way related to natural food products.

I’ve begun to look at, and really pay attention to, more of these things. Our shopping experience was different than one we’d have had seven years ago, when we were first together, in that the only fruits and vegetables in our cart were fresh. We didn’t buy any chips. There was no candy.

I don’t mean, here, that we only bought the healthiest of products. We bought two frozen pizzas, the evil Cakesters (I just despise that word, even), non-100% juice and other stuff I can’t remember. Overall, though, our choices have become healthier over the years.

Also, I don’t mean to say that I only eat fresh produce and all-natural foods, even most of the time. I still eat a lot of junk. I’m addicted to ice cream. (I ate some tonight. We walked to the park after we put the groceries away. Then, we stopped by Cold Stone, where only I ordered ice cream – a Like It-sized oatmeal cookie batter with chocolate chips. Then, we walked home as I savored my ice cream. I joked that the beauty of the situation was that I was burning off the calories as I ate them. I also joked that we’d have to walk about four more hours before I even put a dent in the calorie consumption.) Also, we eat out too often, though I choose healthier items than I’d have chosen even a year ago.

I still weigh more than I feel I should and I've gained a few pounds in this last month, but I'm balancing my unhealthy food cravings much better than I did last summer. It's a start. Give me another five years, and maybe I’ll have something to show for these healthier choices. Let’s raise a glass of Odwalla Super Food juice/puree to that.