Thursday, July 16, 2009

almost six years of marriage...

...and all I want to do at this moment is kick him in the teeth.

Okay, so I don't really believe in using violence against others (self-defence excepted), but this is one of my favorite frustration phrases.

The last couple of days have been...trying. I'm sure it's mainly me and the lack of sleep and all. It's also a bit of the constant Mamma-Pic interaction. Please don't get me wrong. I love being able to spend this time with Pic, it's just that on occasion I would like a little bit of time for myself. This is part of why I don't sleep. After Pic goes to bed at night is my time. This is when I can get my own stuff accomplished. Often, I get so wrapped up in what I'm doing that my mind just doesn't settle. The night before last, I slept for about two-and-a-half hours. Yesterday sucked. All day yesterday, I felt a little ill.

We are right now trying to sell my car for a number of reasons. We placed an ad and have already gotten some responses. However, there are things that need to be accomplished. Cardo had asked me to buy some engine cleaner and clean the engine ('s an engine, do I really need to clean it). I ran a few errands and then bought the engine cleaner which specified that the engine needed to be cool before I used it. I ended up not cleaning the engine (the cleaner freaks me out and how cool does the engine need to be? Not my area of expertise people and not something I'm interested in experimenting with). When Cardo got home, I explained that I hadn't cleaned the engine and he just looked at me, exasperated and said, 'I just thought you'd do what I asked you to.' Um, no.

All day yesterday and for a good part of today too, I was getting calls from this man about responses to the ad. This whole him having access to the interweb wherever he is sometimes (very often) makes me crazy. Now, I like the interweb very much, certo, but I do not like to be connected at all times and, really, I don't like for him to be either. After the many directives sent my way, I have begun to resent this whole stupid process. However, it was my idea so I just need to get over it, right? Right.

Anyhow, I finally ended up taking Pic to the pool rather late in the evening last night and Cardo stopped by to get us when he got home. Pic would not get out of the pool. She's usually really good about this, barely dragging out the process, but last night, she just wouldn't get out. Finally, we had to tell her that if she didn't get out right then, we wouldn't be coming back today (we are now waiting until tomorrow to try again...this is even more difficult on her because we can look right out of our window at the pool and she has longingly gazed out several times today). Strict Mamma holds firm. Yea.

By the time we got back in the apartment, I was even less thrilled than I had been with the rest of the day. I wanted some kind of comfort, sympathy, cuddling from my husband, but no such luck. He never even asked how my day had been, I just offered up the information. I despise this. I kind of hate that I have to tell him that it would really make me feel that my time also mattered if he even bothered to ask me how my day had been. I extend this courtesy to him every day. 'Hey, Man I Married, I am interested in you and your doings and I value how you contribute to our family. Please reciprocate.'

Today hasn't been much better. I'm at the point where I just want to not have to see him tonight when he gets off work (it turns out he's not opening as he had told me he was, he's working a sucky midshift).

We are supposed to be actually, really, truly celebrating an anniversary il quest weekend, but I'm not at the moment feeling much like it.

So, now I have spewed all of this whining all over the land of the ether. I know that I love him and that some days are just trying. I know that my not getting enough sleep (ever) is part of the problem. I know that I am a person with countless good things about my life and that so many others would like for my petty problems to be their biggest woes. So, I'm closing the vent and hoping that this feeling of low-level ire clears away before I give him the card I got for our anniversary, the card professing that I love him forever (which is the plan).