a new and sterile me

Okay, so today, we went to the doctor’s office for the twenty millionth time in the last month. That’s a lot of doctor time.

Originally, we were scheduled for three appointments today. One to check up on Cardo’s strep, one to check up on mine and one for a vasectomy consultation. No, we couldn’t possibly just make one appointment and cover all of that. "Yes, please deposit sixty of your dollars into our coffers." Um, no thanks. Cardo cancelled the earlier check-ups and we only went in for the consult.

It turns out that there is a slight possibility that there could be heart complications caused by the in-the-office surgery (the surgery could be done in the office or in an OR, I was just pointing out how low-key it could be). Considering what we are coming off of, we are wary of the possible complications.

I’ll admit that I’m selfish when it comes to this whole sterilization process. Cardo doesn’t mind taking pills, admitting chemicals not produced by his own body into his body. I, however, am so not okay with this idea. Funny, though, because I may be the one who ends up sterile. (That terms makes it sound like I’ll turn into some android or something, so I just like to keep using it. It’s slightly amusing to me. I’m apparently a bit off.)

Our doctor told us that there is a procedure where I wouldn’t have to have surgery. Two little (I seriously hope) coils will be inserted into my vagina, through my uterus and into my fallopian tubes, where they’ll live. I’m guessing that these coils are made of some kind of metal (yes, I’m slightly freaking out thinking that there might be some metal thingies just chillin’ in there). Scar tissue will form and then my little unwanted eggs (no offense ladies, I just have no more procreative use for you) won’t be able to take any more monthly journeys.

I’m obviously not sure about all of the particulars, but we will soon be having a consult with my gynecologist (which means that I’ll actually have to see him again for the first time in several decades (ah, hyperbole, friend of the young and impassioned)).

I have no idea if I’ll have to take hormones or if my body will start up with The Change (dum, dum, dum) or what. I don’t want to have to start taking hormones that my body is now producing. I also don’t ever want to have more kidlets. I also would like to not freak out every few months, wondering where the crap my period is (and freaking out about her makes her stay far, far away…or far, far inside, or whatever).

I just want to be finished with all of this. I won’t take the pill (which should be obvious from what I expressed above), I don’t want to be fitted for a female condom or diaphragm (which are both less trustworthy than a regular old condom, which is what we have relied on always). Oh, and have I mentioned, I don’t want any more kids? Yeah, I thought so. (And, no, no matter how many times you plead with me or try to persuade me that I need to have just one more…I DON’T WANT MORE KIDS. If you’re so eager for more babies to be brought into the world, go ahead and have them yourself. Please. And, if you can’t, I’m truly sorry, but me having another one isn’t going to help.)

Okay, so what do you all think about this whole issue? I’m interested in other opinions…on the sterilization, not on whether I should have more kids. Because, I’ve already been through the “You’re too young to get married” and we’re doing great. And, I’ve been through the “You’re too young to have kids,” and that’s working out pretty freaking well. So, opinions/advice on our vasectomy/tubal ligation options?

Grazie…in advance.