gli occhiali

Okay, so I made the trip all the way over to Costco today where the best eye doctor ever holds court (or something). I had a quick eye exam. He showed me the difference between my old prescription and my new. If my eyes keep going at this rate, I'll be counting steps (more than I do) and memorizing people's scents in a matter of mere years. Ugh.

I actually made Cardo come with me for the picking out of the frames, though. I found some I really liked -- thin, purple wire frames for which I could have gotten magnetic clip on sunglasses (have I mentioned my ultracool rep? have I mentioned that my eyes are extrememly light sensitive?), but then I remembered my lenses are today's equivalent of coke-bottle lenses. I can't get the thin wire frames. Actually, I might be able to, but the lenses are about seventy-nine million times the thickness of the frames. Even when I get the thick plastic frames my lenses bulge out over the sides. Again, ugh. So, I picked a pair of green plastic frames with which I'm kind of okay. My choices are even further limited because of my gigantic head. Seriously, people.

Now, I just have to wait two weeks for my glasses to come in. The cashier looked incredibly apologetic when she told me this, but I told her I was used to it. I'm not one of those people who can order glasses or contacts and pick them up immediately. They have to specially make my corrective lenses in far-flung reaches of the world...like Ireland.

I was looking at the package for my contacts and it was stamped 'Made in Ireland.' Kind of like various parts of me. You could tell because of my accent, right. (That'd be funnier -- maybe not funny, but funnier -- if you could hear me, no?) Once, when I was in sixth grade, I was waiting for the bus and the woman sitting next to me asked, 'Are you Irish?' When I answered in the affirmative, she told me, 'I could tell because of your accent.' By the way, not a hint of Irish accent escapes my lips, even when I try.

So, about my Irish parts (heh, the term 'lady parts' immediately comes to mind, but please direct your mind's eye back to the more PG body parts now that I have distracted you). I have green eyes! Who would have guessed? Maybe other people, but I have this habit of not looking too closely at myself. When I wear my glasses, which is most of the time, I don't notice my eyes. Now that I've been wearing my contacts for a couple of days, I've remembered that I have actual eyes under all of that plastic lens. And, because my poor, poor glasses suck right now, I've had to keep my contacts in way past the point of my eyes being comfortable which means I no longer have whites of my eyes, rather I have reds of my eyes. And the red offsets the green. I have weird demony eyes right now. Send over your young and I'll fill their heads with nightmares. Or, you know, don't.

Well, while I'm sure you think the subject of my glasses and completely bloodshot eyes is beyond fascinating (so far beyond that it's just really not, right?), I have to go read some more. And then some more and more after that.