daydreaming

I actually said to Cardo, earlier, 'If we had another chid (NOT that I want another child), I could homeschool our kids.'

Yes, I am/we are still very certain that our family is perfect just the way it is. There are times when I am a tiny tinge of a bit sad that Pic won't have any siblings, won't have that bond, but I stand by my decision. I've still [knock on wood] never experienced baby blues, although several people I know have gotten pregnant and have had babies since Pic's come along. Also, starting over again when I've already gotten through five years? No, thanks much. (I'm just sharing what Cardo and I want and what works for us. Lots of other people I know have/want more than one child and that's perfect for them...I only have to raise this one.)

Anyhow, there's been a lot of soul-searching type stuff going on inside of me lately. I feel like I've come back around to some kind of starting point that I lost sight of for a while. I feel like it's time to stop looking at everyone else's expectations for me (and, hey, most of these 'expectations' are mainly in my head anyhow, I know this) and start figuring out what really will be best for myself and for my family. I'm still not sure where I'm headed next, but I'm willing to gradually figure it out. I'm trying to not be so fervent in my searching for what's next.

As Poke said to me earlier, it might be nice to settle down for a bit without looking forward and stressing about what I 'need' to be doing next. In the last year, Cardo has hinted that he's wanting to settle down. As I said, I'm not sure what we'll do, but if it involves settling down now, know that we'll be doing plenty of traveling as a family (yes, even when I'm trying to focus on now, I'm dreaming about the future).

How can I possibly still have so much growing up to do at the end of my third decade on this planet?