give me 100ccs of something, stat

Am I the only one who ever wonders if I should be medicated? Are, am I the only one still wondering while everyone else is medicated? (I more doubt the second.)

I've been wondering more and more often lately if I should be on something. I don't know what. Anti-anxiety medication (which my doctor has told me is what is prescribed for depression)? Sleeping pills? Get-off-my-butt-and-get-motivated-and-stop-whining pills? All of the preceding?

There are lots of days, most days sometimes, when I wonder if the way I always feel is normal, if it's the way I'll always feel and if it's right or if I could and should feel differently, less full of worry and woe, less tired, lethargic, apathetic.

Right now, I'm coasting. I'm doing well enough. I'm trying to keep busy. I'm dreaming, but not sleeping. I'm trying to give myself over to the direction I'm taking in my life, but I'm also trying to figure out who I am and what I want. It's been a long time since I've been here. I've been floating along for so long, doing what was supposed to come next because I'm always overwhelmed by the vast amount of possibilities. Now, I've put things on hold and I see that vast horizon and, well, I like the mountains. (That was a fun, convoluted metaphor, no?)

I keep thinking of the Dixie Chicks's "More Love". Specifically, the line, "We're afraid to be idle/So we fill up the days." I spend a lot of time there.



So, general advice? Other than, 'Just get over it already,' because that doesn't work for me.

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P. S. That song keeps freezing up at about 1:15 for me. Sorry if it does the same for you. I swear the lyrics are there.